It’s only the one voice in hundreds that you remember

On a day like today, when I drop a realness post ( and bare my soul with reverence and authenticity, I should expect some blow back.

And I got it.

I got dozens of fabulous messages. And support. And like and love emojis. And I wish I had the strength to enjoy them for what they are.

But, I, like you, am a human. And it’s the scathing private message I got that’s earned a spot at my table tonight. It had its share of cuss words. And accusations. And mockery. I don’t even know who this person is. That’s what I get for living out in the open.

And, out of the mouths of babes.

On a day like today, when I had to don a bathing suit and my insecurities and go splashing about in a pool full of water and nightmares, a child told me I “look pregnant”.

Close your eyes. Sigh. They’re just a child, you remind yourself.

I get it. I hear it. Don’t dwell, don’t let it rent space in your head. She’s just a kid. Don’t let it get to you. They’re a troll, don’t let it get to you. Stop worrying about it. Delete, and move on.

Move on, move on, move on. Delete it, forget it and move on.

Wait – I thought part of the beauty of being a human was the feels part.

I want to feel the showering of sun on the bluest days. And I want the exhilaration to pump through me over the first hill of a rollercoaster. I want the adrenaline of competing for new job opportunities. I want the euphoria of intimacy. I want the elation of victory and success. I want to feel the highest highs, and so I accept that I will feel the lowest of lows.

At virtually no time in my life have I ever pretended like I wasn’t super affected by people’s opinions of me. Over time, and with working in the industry that I do, it’s impact has faded. But it still hurts. It still sucks.

Here’s what I know.

I know that I’m starting a swim challenge with Y. I know that I’ve got a long way to go to slim down my waist line. I know that I’m taking the necessary steps to get there – health & fitness, with a trainer at the Y and a Nutritionist I’m seeing Tuesday. A partner who’s also going to start training with me.

And that I have really got to work on the thick skin thing. Let’s blame the redness of my eyes on the chlorine of the pool.

— c ☆

See below for the announcement of the new challenge:

One Comment Add yours

  1. brendaratcliffe says:

    Oh Care be strong and as much as it hurts and it does you have to keep your chin up and yes its a kid who said that just try to let it go. You are a inspiration for so many people I am one that you have gave strength to fight ahead I joined WW 5 weeks ago and I am down 14lbs and I thank you for giving me the strength to believe in my self. Care you are a beautiful amazing person great mom Jan’s soulmate. You need to stop being so hard on yourself you never stop and have the courage to just keep getting better so if people judge you because you have a few pounds to loose fuck them. The only person you have to be accountable for is YOU. Jan loves you and your kids and all your true followers who like myself adore you!!! I don’t even know you and I just get ranting what a wonderful person you are and one day I am going to show up when I know you are at a function with your mic and meet you in person. Don’t ever change from the Care we all know and love Just keep swimming Just keep swimming you got this. Hugs Beautiful Lady

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