On a day like today, when I drop a realness post (https://www.facebook.com/careonair/posts/1309011395961005) and bare my soul with reverence and authenticity, I should expect some blow back.
And I got it.
I got dozens of fabulous messages. And support. And like and love emojis. And I wish I had the strength to enjoy them for what they are.
But, I, like you, am a human. And it’s the scathing private message I got that’s earned a spot at my table tonight. It had its share of cuss words. And accusations. And mockery. I don’t even know who this person is. That’s what I get for living out in the open.
And, out of the mouths of babes.
On a day like today, when I had to don a bathing suit and my insecurities and go splashing about in a pool full of water and nightmares, a child told me I “look pregnant”.
Close your eyes. Sigh. They’re just a child, you remind yourself.
I get it. I hear it. Don’t dwell, don’t let it rent space in your head. She’s just a kid. Don’t let it get to you. They’re a troll, don’t let it get to you. Stop worrying about it. Delete, and move on.
Move on, move on, move on. Delete it, forget it and move on.
Wait – I thought part of the beauty of being a human was the feels part.
I want to feel the showering of sun on the bluest days. And I want the exhilaration to pump through me over the first hill of a rollercoaster. I want the adrenaline of competing for new job opportunities. I want the euphoria of intimacy. I want the elation of victory and success. I want to feel the highest highs, and so I accept that I will feel the lowest of lows.
At virtually no time in my life have I ever pretended like I wasn’t super affected by people’s opinions of me. Over time, and with working in the industry that I do, it’s impact has faded. But it still hurts. It still sucks.
Here’s what I know.
I know that I’m starting a swim challenge with Y. I know that I’ve got a long way to go to slim down my waist line. I know that I’m taking the necessary steps to get there – health & fitness, with a trainer at the Y and a Nutritionist I’m seeing Tuesday. A partner who’s also going to start training with me.
And that I have really got to work on the thick skin thing. Let’s blame the redness of my eyes on the chlorine of the pool.
— c ☆
See below for the announcement of the new challenge: