It’s only the one voice in hundreds that you remember

On a day like today, when I drop a realness post ( and bare my soul with reverence and authenticity, I should expect some blow back.

And I got it.

I got dozens of fabulous messages. And support. And like and love emojis. And I wish I had the strength to enjoy them for what they are.

But, I, like you, am a human. And it’s the scathing private message I got that’s earned a spot at my table tonight. It had its share of cuss words. And accusations. And mockery. I don’t even know who this person is. That’s what I get for living out in the open.

And, out of the mouths of babes.

On a day like today, when I had to don a bathing suit and my insecurities and go splashing about in a pool full of water and nightmares, a child told me I “look pregnant”.

Close your eyes. Sigh. They’re just a child, you remind yourself.

I get it. I hear it. Don’t dwell, don’t let it rent space in your head. She’s just a kid. Don’t let it get to you. They’re a troll, don’t let it get to you. Stop worrying about it. Delete, and move on.

Move on, move on, move on. Delete it, forget it and move on.

Wait – I thought part of the beauty of being a human was the feels part.

I want to feel the showering of sun on the bluest days. And I want the exhilaration to pump through me over the first hill of a rollercoaster. I want the adrenaline of competing for new job opportunities. I want the euphoria of intimacy. I want the elation of victory and success. I want to feel the highest highs, and so I accept that I will feel the lowest of lows.

At virtually no time in my life have I ever pretended like I wasn’t super affected by people’s opinions of me. Over time, and with working in the industry that I do, it’s impact has faded. But it still hurts. It still sucks.

Here’s what I know.

I know that I’m starting a swim challenge with Y. I know that I’ve got a long way to go to slim down my waist line. I know that I’m taking the necessary steps to get there – health & fitness, with a trainer at the Y and a Nutritionist I’m seeing Tuesday. A partner who’s also going to start training with me.

And that I have really got to work on the thick skin thing. Let’s blame the redness of my eyes on the chlorine of the pool.

— c ☆

See below for the announcement of the new challenge:

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s