Even when it lifts, the lockdown still has us feeling trapped

Ominous title for this blog.

It’s the first day I’ve felt relatively optimistic after a brutally sad weekend where we said goodbye to the incredible Jennifer Campbell. She was the voice of Country 106.7’s Morning Show “Campbell & PJ”, an indelible tour de force in the Kitchener community, and my friend. Country was my first radio gig. And Jenn was my mentor.

Goodbye, Jennifer.

To donate to her boys:

https://gofund.me/c9b07393

I’m a big believer in comfort food. Sitting together at the table. Breaking bread together. Sharing memories over recipes. Cooking with our grandparents, our mothers, our friends, our spouses. It’s important to remember that food doesn’t have to equate to “bad”. Food – healthy food, yummy food, unhealthy food, chocolate, sweets – the nourishment we provide our body belongs on a wide spectrum. I hold a metric to my food – am I trying to lose weight? Maintain? Get bulked up? Or feel better when I’m feeling sad? And on Sunday, I opted for the latter. I baked homemade brownies with my kids. And whipped an entire feast, with a stuffed bird and all the fixin’s. And I enjoyed them. I took down the carbs, and the cheese sauces, and the butter on my biscuits. And I drank 2% milk, and ate a cinnamon bun and we laughed and I needed to laugh because Jenn would have wanted us to continue laughing and living. That’s how it’s supposed to be.

I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying.

– Andy Dufrense, Shawshank Redemption

This week, I’ve been successful at sticking with my new workout program. I kick things off with 15 minutes on the treadmill at an incline of 5. Then I move over and have my ass kicked by MadFit.

She’s got a full line of various workouts and I’ve never, ever been worked so hard as I have been following her along.

I’m also still plugging away at my recipe page! A variety of low cal, low carb delicious meals that keep me sustained. Follow along on the Instagram here:

You can also join in as a collaborator on my Spotify playlist!

Also, if you remember in the beginning of my weight loss journey, I took many “knickers” photos to show my progression. Those photos have been moved to a new site. If you’d like the link, just drop me a line and I’ll send it over.

So where am I at today?

I am strangling my last few fucks about the lockdown to make it through this week. I am 100% on board with staying in, staying healthy, wearing masks. I am just thoroughly and completely frustrated with being able to go to work alongside five or six other people, but I can’t see my parents or my daughter, or my sisters, or my nieces and nephews. I will adhere to health regulations, but not seeing them has made things unbelievably difficult for my psyche. And with grief this week to boot, my mental health continues to wane in the balance.

It takes a lot of effort to handle a girl like me – with her big dreams, her big opinions, her big passions, and her big mouth. And for Jan and I, well. I keep telling myself it’s a testament of love that he and I haven’t just thrown in the towel like a pair of quitters. He and I are still here, and I’m confident that it’ll become one of those lasting “love of all time” bedtime fables we’ll tell our grandchildren to come. One day – long away from now, and far away from pandemics and fears and sickness.

The gyms reopen next week. Jan is planning to get in to see Farr. I’m going to stick with my basement routines for the time being. But I encourage each of us to see the sun it’s entirety. Whether it’s bleeding through the blinds of your front window, or it’s that glimmer of hope we’re all clinging to through this winter, better and brighter days are still ahead.

This week, in my silly I-just-woke-up-hair, we pulled out the tape measure to show what it looks like to have lost 17″ off your waist. The edge of 17. Now that I’m into my second week of my second month of doing this completely on my own since the New Year began, I’m a solid 8lbs down. And I’m making concessions to eat, and be sad. To eat and be happy. To dance aerobics. To treadmill. To dye my hair pink. To be thankful for my supportive partner, my Greek Yogurt shakes, and to everyone who keeps motivating me to wake up every morning thankful.

You can if you want to.

c β˜†

c β˜†

One Comment Add yours

  1. brendaratcliffe says:

    Care no words I can say to help with your loss of your radio friend it fucking hurts it sucks I lost my niece to cancer she was only 30 years old and left two babies behind. Death is so final and makes you question why why does this fucking happen but I guess we are just suppose to accept the higher up said so therefore we grief feel sad eat and just try to get through it. You are so amazing and I am glad you took the day off had a nice meal spent quality time baking with your family you clearly needed that. I moved into this new condo last July cause indoor pool weight room and I have not enjoyed any of it cause of this fucking covid totally sucks and I know it would help my journey if I could go down to the pool or walk on the treadmill but I will stay positive soon hopefully. I am very limited to what exercise I can do I had back surgery years ago and ended up with a drop foot and being 66 walking outside is a fear I would fall and that I do not want so for now I try dancing and marching in my apartment for a little exercise but like you said it fucking gets you down some days I want to hug my kids and my grand babies and have a nice meal together so what keeps me going is I keep saying soon but soon seems very gloomy some days . As I have told you many times you are probably one of the strongest fighter I know and a inspiration that keeps me going. Girl you have a gift with your words of wisdom and encouragement that’s why I adore you. Never change Care you are the best keep fighting for your family your marriage and one day soon when your driving down that 401 to see your oldest baby and siblings and parents you will be singing and smiling it’s coming darling keep the faith!! ❀️🌹❀️

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

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