“I just know that when you’re in the middle of a moment that you’re writing exactly what you feel. And that may not have any regard for what may come in the future?”

“In what regard?” I demanded.

I was hot, and my cheeks were burning. I was red. Red in the face with embarrassment, and out of my mouth, defense.

I can write whatever the hell I want, I screamed inside. I can own my fucking truth! I was at peak frustration.

I held it together. “Why aren’t you more supportive of me?”

“That isn’t what I said.”

What was he saying?

I have always said it’s so important for people to share their stories, so we can all learn from each other and of course most important know we aren’t alone!!

That was one message I received about the blogs, from a woman I didn’t know. They all start like this, a version of this: “You don’t know me, but …”

I look forward to reading your blog as much as I can. It’s truly inspiring to hear where you’ve been, what you’ve been through but most importantly where you are today … so I mean, who would want to here where I’ve been or what I’ve been through.

That was another. Women I don’t know, with one thing in common – the desire to be understood. The hope they read in another woman’s struggles. The beauty in knowing despite our differences, inwardly we’re all on a journey with obstacles and hurdles to cross.

I love that you’re putting yourself out there and that you’re doing it so honestly and eloquently.

Each woman who has reached out to me since the inception of Handle with Care has touched me immeasurably.

I started following you when you moved to Kingston and I have to say that I love how real, honest and thoughtful you are.

If I had a purpose this year, it was to find the subtlety of keeping it real, by being honest with the one person it mattered to the most – me.

When I relaxed my mind for the moment it needed to fully understand what Jan was saying, I was able to see clearly. He knows that I’ve fueled these entries as a way to communicate and express the things  I harbour so closely to my heart, and I am one of the many women in his life he protects. When one hangs herself out naked to dry on the altar of online honesty, he instinctively asks the hard questions – are you sure? Are you sure you want to invite everyone in?

Here it is – I’m a foul-mouthed, vinyl collecting, caffeine addicted misfit, who is just trying to survive. And I find clarity through writing it down, spelling it out, and seeing it through. If my day has been rough, awful, terrible, or a down right write-off, I’ll tell you. If it’s been amazing, terrific, awesome or fantastic – I’ll tell you that, too. Some of what I’ll say will be meaningful, others ranting. Some will be deeply painful and personal. And others will be silly, and quick and dirty.

And somewhere in the core, I’m always humbled.

Humbled you read. Humbled you commented. Humbled you wrote.

Honestly.

— c ☆