“I’m sorry Ms. Jackson, I am for realllllllllllllll.”

I’ve mentioned a bunch of times in the past that we have an incredible management team at work. And especially given the current global climate, those men and women appointed to leadership in our company have done a superior job making sure we’re okay. Those of us who, are not, always okay.

I had another one of these conversations with my program director yesterday. They start small – a text. “How’s everything going?” It’s an invitation to message, or to call if it’s something that’s going to take up more than 140 characters.

I gave Jacquie my low-down. What the craziness of the weekend had meant. What it had meant for Kids A, B, C and Double A. From burner drives, to letting my phone get all the way down to 1% and then … just … die. Like, I just let my phone die now. I go phone-less now. And never, have I ever, cared less than I do now.

And Jacquie said – “how are you handling everything?” Which was a fair question that I was prepared for.

I’ve mentioned in the past that I used to work for a psychiatrist. And one day, between appointments, she put me on the couch and asked me “how are you handling everything?” And it was a surreal, Freudian moment, talking with a psychiatrist on her couch. I allowed myself to unravel. Become unhinged, and unglued. I told her this and that, and how I couldn’t believe those things were happening to me.

And she gave me the advice I used yesterday.

“I’m just focusing on what really is my control,” I told my boss. “I can control having a shower, thinking good thoughts, and giving my all to doing a good show. I can control that.”

Perspective is key. And lemme tell ya, I’m prone to meltdowns, breakdowns. Sadness. Frustration. Sunday morning, I spent a solid twenty minutes sobbing in the bathroom. And then I washed my face, had a good, long chat with Jan who brought me from a 10 back to a 5, and went back to my day.

What do we have control over? Not a pandemic, that’s for fucking sure. But, like a dear friend used to say: “head down, helmet on, get it done.” Get it done; take the wheel of the things you can control.

That’s a good enough pep talk for me on this Cinco de Mayo.

— c ☆