May the Fourth Be with You

“Sure,” Jan says as he sees the title of the blog.

He’s back at it, working from home today, before he starts his new gig tomorrow with Leon’s. It’s the last day I’ll get with him as he gears up to sink his teeth into a new opportunity. It’s sort of a way of life for he and I. One gets inspired and makes a change with the other’s support, then it’s the other’s turn, and so on. We got his fresh fade and beard trim (cut? removal?!) yesterday, and now he’s prepping for his next foray into a new challenge.

But he hasn’t forgotten about me. Or this meal plan I’m on. And even as I type this, the lingering taste of fettuccine Alfredo still teases my tongue. We concocted one of my favourite recipes to date – rice noodles, slathered in homemade Alfredo sauce of Greek yogurt and Parmesan (today’s add-on), with grilled chicken and fresh spinach. Pepper to taste. 😉 And while I was busily working on a different project, he got up from the table and sorted out today’s lunch so I wouldn’t have to stop what I was doing. That’s Jan.

This week was hard. I weighed in this morning, and I lost less than I have the past two weeks. I know I need to see the good, and silver lining, and not slave to the scale, but I think it important to give myself flexibility to say: goddammit this sucks! This past weekend, Jan and I had to travel back home for co-parenting responsibilities, and it was really my first foray into how I would adapt travel into this new way living and eating. And I won’t lie – it wasn’t easy. It took planning, and prepping, and being organized. And then a lot of trial and error.

We learned very quickly that I wasn’t sustained enough between meals. Maybe it’s because my body is accustomed to pumping the fast food garbage as I traverse the 401 on biweekly weekends. But whatever it was, it was mean. And snarly. And produced more than a few tears. The meal times hadn’t changed, but somehow, I wasn’t able to keep functioning on the limited food options I’m eating. And despite being prepped, and having lunch on the road, and remembering to have a snack in the truck, I found myself crashing before it was time for dinner. In speaking with my Coach this morning, it was obvious that I need to do better than a protein bar for snack on road trips. If I have a protein and a fruit in the allotment for snack time, it has to be a shake, or something more tangible. And it’s a good time to have the add-on, instead of forcing it to wait till dinner. As the program’s protein bars act as either a snack or an add-on, my best bet is to enjoy a protein bar and a snack. That will help.

But it’s being cognizant of what I can and can’t handle, or tolerate. Being hungry has always been one of them. So, enter in the miracle that’s been rice noodles. As someone who loves (like, love loves) pasta, finding rice noodles and using them for a lunch or dinner is starting to make me feel more satiated than the simple grilled chicken over rice meals I’d enjoyed previously. The diet is starting to take shape. Finding vegetables I enjoy and how I enjoy them is helping. Having fresh veggies on hand at the ready is the biggest take-away, so far. The variety of vegetables has turned a girl who previously made a lifestyle out of just onions and the occasional potatoes into someone who can find joy in squash, and beans, and peppers, and zucchinis. You get it. It’s a process.

Favourite meals of the week have included Jan’s grilled chicken curry (I’m salivating) and figuring out how to enjoy my Mom’s mac and cheese casserole in a way that fits the guide. And can we please, for a second, take a moment to applaud the fact that I had my first glass of wine in three weeks? That was an add-on worth waiting for.

Coffee has become tea, because I cannot figure out how to enjoy coffee any way than the way I used to drink it. I still can’t come to terms with just drab, old water, so thankfully flavour shots have saved the day.

But what I really learned about this week was how my body was craving cardio. This weekend was spent mainly in our truck. Very little walk, very little moving around. And it showed. Where previously I enjoyed night walks to the lake, hitting the trails, or strapping up my rollerblades, this time, I was very lax on cardio after a full week and then a fuller weekend of travel. This morning I was 1.5lbs away from losing another 5. I’m looking to the bigger picture, of course, but it was very obvious to me what was different coming out of week 3 versus week 2. And let’s be real, it’s good not to see it all come off, because god-fucking-forbid I let one tear slide over the scale. And plateauing will soon be a real thing.

As I told Jan this morning, my humanity shone bright today. Over the weekend, I watched my family devour a pulled pork banquet with my Mom’s famous macaroni salad, and all the fixins. I watched them take down wings, and pizza, and garlic bread with cheese. And I ate my own meals alongside them, and not once did any of them make snide comments, or poke fun. Instead, they applauded my commitment to this lifestyle change. That’s family.

So yes, when you step up and you didn’t make what you’d hoped, or you hadn’t done what you thought you could of, a little streak of disappointment settles in. That’s human. But a little bit of that should motivate, too. And this week, I know I’ll be back in the swing of getting out for those walks to the lake. And soon, with enough weight loss to satisfy my knees, I’ll be back to running before I even know it. Right?

This week’s new food recipes:

So where did that leave me going into Week 4?

Have a see for yourself:

I’m officially down another 3.5lbs (13.5 total), 1.25″ off my bust, .5″ off my midsection and a crazy 2.5″ off my waistline. It’s strange watching the shift happen. I feel saggier in my abdomen. And lighter on my hips. My dresses are hanging differently. It’s a tough road, because while I see the changes, it’s hard to accept that I’m still bigger today than I have been in my entire life.

The takeaway is this – to celebrate the good, and the bad, the light and the dark, the wonderment and the let down, you have to have both. Without it, it becomes hard to distinguish between what’s awesome, and what’s okay, and what’s worth working towards, and how did you find the motivation to rise up and keep moving forward.

Yeah, I would have really, really enjoyed that pulled pork with my Mom. I would have really enjoyed that Mike’s Hard Lemonade with my sister. And even right now, knowing I’m not eating ice cream on a hot, hot day is not the easiest pill to swallow.

But I remember how I had to fumble under my nephew’s bed to find out an outlet for the goddamn CPAP machine cord. And how I have to be strapped to this thing at night while I sleep. I have to unhook it in order to use the washroom at night. And it’s a pain in the ass.

Not having ice cream today, could actually mean full, rested night’s tomorrow.

So stop wallowing in pity, Care. Get it done.

— c ☆

One Comment Add yours

  1. brendaratcliffe says:

    Wow Care you are so fucking amazing!! Please tell me why as I am reading your blog I just jump on the pity train and say WHY do we have to be left out of those things we enjoy eating all that junk food with our family drinking the whole bottle of wine why me?? But you nailed it and have given yourself to this new way of eating kudos to you your the best!!! And love your honesty is this hard fucking right it is . I guess I jump on that pity train cause I sometimes I feel that’s my only enjoyment in life is eating I eat when I am sad depressed, lonely happy any old GD excuse want to celebrate with my family I start baking guess so of that is what I learnt growing up. I have been in the great mind set that you are in right now and lost 60 lbs but it’s all back. Care so proud of you and I am hoping your success will help me to get in the great mindset you are . Keep up the good work wow your loss this far is amazing . Good Job!!!!!! ❤️🌹❤️

    Sent from my iPhone


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